It is hard to deny or to say no to anyone especially to your friend or colleagues but sometimes it is important for your own good.
‘Honesty is the best policy’
Moral of the famous childhood woodcutter’s story has had a deep impact on our minds since we were children.
Yes, of course, it is important, to be honest with others, but do we stay loyal to ourselves?
At many stages of life, at many times we will have to make choices which may put us in dilemma.
But every time such a condition pops up we must first be true to ourselves and then make a decision.
However hard it may feel, never ever fool yourself and don’t pretend to be the one you are not.
It might seem correct at the moment but will show its adverse effects in the long run.
Say NO to anyone, whenever and wherever it is necessary and there is no reason to torture you with the guilt of denying something to someone.
Always keep in mind that it is for the best.
We’ll give you some tips for the same.
*Respect their opinion and slowly sneak in your alternatives into their minds.
The very first thing to bear in mind is to respect their views or opinions because as a matter of fact, they did the same to you by asking for your advice.
Even though you don’t like their thoughts, show them the pros in whatever they are asking you.
This will make them confident about you that you are not absurdly denying it and are giving it importance.
Next, give them better alternatives to it, whether it can be about people, things, decisions, etc.
Now, slowly back out from the situation.
Example (highlighting their pros rather than talking about cons)
A: Hey do you think I should give salsa lessons to adults?
(In my mind: NOOOO you are not so good at it)
Me (in real): Umm, great idea to jump onto something new, but why don’t you consider starting cooking classes. We really enjoy your yummy food and you don’t even have to take extra efforts for it, you are a master chef already!!!
*Take your time
It isn’t essential to give your response quickly, you can always say, “I will think over it”.
Responses and promises are given in extra joy, excitement or sadness may let you regret about it later.
Analyze the reasons in a sweetest possible way and then explain it neatly to the respective person. This way the person won’t get hurt as you did not deny hurriedly without thinking.
*Make quick fake plans
Now, this system can be a little unethical but works 10 on 10. If somebody asks a favour for you and you don’t have the time for it/don’t want to do it, straight away state that you already have some plans on the same day or timing and cannot be changed.
Make sure you make the plans which are really believable and if you involve someone else also in this plan, then let them know about it quickly to have a safer side.
*Let the principles talk
Develop your image in such a way that people will think 10 times before approaching you for something which is not your cup of tea.
Don’t be the readily by default available option every time.
So, even if someone asks you for a favour you can easily glide out saying you don’t involve in such tasks and give previous examples.
For e.g., someone invited you for clubbing which you are least interested in. You can say, “I would come unless you want to see my dose of at 10 PM (a casual laugh will do the work), sorry but I am more of a day time person.”
Being straightforward doesn’t mean you are rude; using your words wisely will help you here.
There are situations where neither time nor fake plan excuse can work, being true is the only option left and one must follow it.
If someone asks you for an inevitable thing, you should tell the person the truth.
This way he gets your answer and if the person is mature enough he will like you even more for being honest and not giving any lame excuse.
Like every disease cannot be cured with one type pill, same way different circumstances of denying require different solutions.
Well, sometimes negative responses lead to a positive life!
-Written by Rutuja Daphale(Intern at BOLDBLUSH)
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